Tag Archives: Transformers

Summer Movie Preview


Love this guy.

It’s almost that time of year again: Summer Movie Season! *airhorn* No matter how jaded I get to the money-grubbing ways of Hollywood, I’m always excited for summer. I get burned by this excitement pretty regularly, but usually something unexpectedly great sneaks its way in. Last year, Man of Steel bored my red underpants off, but This Is The End was far funnier than a two-hour College Humor sketch should be. Also, Elysium was a g*ddamn mess, but I went home and watched District 9 for the 37th time, so all was good!

So, without further ado, let’s take a final look at these probable disasters before they eat your twelve dollars and waste two hours of your life!

(Preview, in this case, means unfairly judging a movie that I haven’t seen yet, based solely off marketing. Which is what you’re supposed to do, by the way. It’s called being a discerning consumer)

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Godzilla vs Paratroopers

It’s that magical time of year again. December is that wonderful month when, between stressing the f*ck out over Christmas shopping, we can check out the trailers for the sure-to-be-disappointing upcoming summer movie season! The latest one to hit is Gareth Edwards’ remake of Godzilla. Edwards’ only notable film thus far is 2010’s low-key sci-fi drama Monsters. I enjoyed Monsters, mostly because it placed character development over visuals, although that could be because it cost roughly twelve dollars to produce.

This time, armed with a blockbuster budget and legendary franchise, Edwards seems to have put together quite a pretty movie, but there are some concerns. This is a very well-edited trailer (the 2001 music is a nice touch), but one wonders what a handful of paratroopers is going contribute in a fight against a Gila monster the size of the Burj Khalifa. I guess only the movie itself will tell. In the meantime, it can’t help but call up thoughts of  Transformers.  Three films deep and they still doesn’t realize Tyrese with a machine gun doesn’t do dick in a fight against giant robots.

You heard me, baldy.

You heard me, baldy.

Still, I’m tentatively excited, if only because this isn’t a Zach Snyder movie. That guy’s talent lies solely with making pretty trailers. Sorry. Had to be said.

Kelsey Grammar will be the bad guy in Transformers 4. Wait, what?

frasier (1)

I was a pretty big fan of Fraser in the 90s (it was sort of like The Big Bang Theory for people with multiple brain cells), but sadly Kelsey Grammar’s career has fallen off my radar as of late. Apparently he spent that time learning to seamlessly change from a car into a robot, though I can’t be sure of this. I don’t watch Boss. According to Collider

Not too much is known about his character except that he’ll be playing counter-intelligence operative Harold Attinger – a flesh-and-blood baddie – and not a voice of any villainous Decepticons.  Grammer will join Mark Wahlberg, Stanley Tucci, Nicola Peltz and Jack Reynor…

Oh, good. More human characters. God knows that’s the main draw of the Transformers franchise. If there was one complaint I had about the last one was that they didn’t give enough screen time to newcomers like The Wacky Butler, The Bitchy Nasa Scientist, uh…John Malkovitch (really?)  and Ken “I set Asians back half a century” Jeong. Hell, it’s only a matter of time before Shia LaBeouf’s g*ddamn parents get their own spin-off.

Anyway, if they have David Hyde Pierce bitching about his Decepticon wife that we never see, all will be forgiven.