Love this guy.
It’s almost that time of year again: Summer Movie Season! *airhorn* No matter how jaded I get to the money-grubbing ways of Hollywood, I’m always excited for summer. I get burned by this excitement pretty regularly, but usually something unexpectedly great sneaks its way in. Last year, Man of Steel bored my red underpants off, but This Is The End was far funnier than a two-hour College Humor sketch should be. Also, Elysium was a g*ddamn mess, but I went home and watched District 9 for the 37th time, so all was good!
So, without further ado, let’s take a final look at these probable disasters before they eat your twelve dollars and waste two hours of your life!
(Preview, in this case, means unfairly judging a movie that I haven’t seen yet, based solely off marketing. Which is what you’re supposed to do, by the way. It’s called being a discerning consumer)
Posted in Movies
Tagged 21 Jump Street, 22 Jump Street, And So it Goes, Begin Again, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, Deliver us from Evil, Earth to Echo, Edge of Tomorrow, Godzilla, Guardians of the Galaxy, Hercules, How to Train Your Dragon 2, Jersey Boys, Jupiter Ascending, Let's Be Cops, Lucy, Maleficent, Neighbors, Sex Tape, Sin City, Sin City: A Dame to Kill For, Snowpiercer, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, The Amazing Spider-Man 2, The Expendables 3, The Giver, The Purge: Anarchy, Think Like a Man 2, Transformers, Transformers 4: Age of Extinction, Walk of Shame, Wish I Was Here, X-Men, X-Men: Days of Future Past
Above you will find the teaser trailer for the Gritty Reboot™ of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Now, look. a part of me really wants to be cynical about this. I know, as well as anyone, that this a strategically produced and marketed attempt to cash in on the childhoods of my demographic. They recently launched a new series on Nickelodeon and a new line of toys. This is a product, through and through.
But I cannot pretend to be even remotely objective here. I read somewhere that if hindsight is 20/20, then nostalgia is 20/400. I’m completely blind. In my youth, I saw every damn episode of the original show, owned every action figure, and could recite “Ninja Rap” in my sleep. You can tell me this was financed by Al Qaeda and I’d still have instinctively thought “F*CK YEAH!” when Leonardo jumps off that rooftop.
He should hold those blade down. That’s dangerous.
On top of that, you’ve got A-List “that guy” William Fichtner and my third-favorite Batman Will Arnett. I also like that the turtles themselves are ugly and kinda scary. They probably should be; they’re f*cking mutated turtles. Man, when you take a broad look at it, this whole concept is so stupid. Anyway, here’s my money.