New Potter Movies Coming, Based on Textbook. Wait, What?

fantastic-beasts-and-where-to-find-them

According to Entertainment Weekly, Warner Bros and JK Rowling are teaming up for a trilogy of Harry Potter spinoff films.

The Harry Potter spinoff Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them will be released by Warner Bros. as a trilogy of “megamovies,” The New York Times reports in its profile on the studio’s CEO, Kevin Tsujihara. Based on the Hogwarts textbook written by Potter author J.K. Rowling, the new franchise is an extension of her extraordinarily realized wizarding world. The films will follow magizoologist Newt Scamander and start in New York approximately seven decades before Harry Potter’s own adventures.

It’s really hard to tell what to make of this. As a fan of the book and (to a lesser extent) films series, I’m happy about it. But the term “megamovie” gives me a hell of a pause. A megapause, if you will. What does that mean, exactly? Is he saying the movies will be great, and just decided to convey it like a five-year-old? Or are we looking at some three-hour run times here? I really hope it’s not that. Hopefully the five-year-old thing.

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Trailer for New Turtles Movie

 

Above you will find the teaser trailer for the Gritty Reboot of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Now, look.  a part of me really wants to be cynical about this. I know, as well as anyone, that this a strategically produced and marketed attempt to cash in on the childhoods of my demographic. They recently launched a new series on Nickelodeon and a new line of toys. This is a product, through and through.

But I cannot pretend to be even remotely objective here. I read somewhere that if hindsight is 20/20, then nostalgia is 20/400. I’m completely blind. In my youth, I saw every damn episode of the original show, owned every action figure, and could recite “Ninja Rap” in my sleep. You can tell me this was financed by Al Qaeda and I’d still  have instinctively thought “F*CK YEAH!” when Leonardo jumps off that rooftop.

Turles

He should hold those blade down. That’s dangerous.

 

On top of that, you’ve got A-List “that guy”  William Fichtner and my third-favorite Batman Will Arnett. I also like that the turtles themselves are ugly and kinda scary. They probably should be; they’re f*cking mutated turtles.  Man, when you take a broad look at it, this whole concept is so stupid. Anyway, here’s my money.

 

Godzilla Still Looks Surprisingly Great

Hot on the heels of the giant, heaving pile of “meh” that was the Robocop re-make/boot/shrug, we have the trailer for Gareth Edwards’ Godzilla. While Hollywood certainly seems hell bent on fixing what isn’t broke – 1987 Robocop is g*ddamn perfect, I will fight you on this – it’s nice to see them trying to fix what they broke the f*ck out of sixteen years ago.

Yeah.

Yeah. That happened.

In addition to being a throwback to the monster movies of the 50’s, this also has a dash of 70’s government paranoia flavoring. The monologue by Bryan Cranston in particular seems to have been heavily influenced by the interrogation scene from Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Also, the references to the infamous Pacific nuclear testing contains two of my favorite tropes – the re-writing of history (X-Men: First Class did this very well with the Cuban Missile Crisis) and a clever twist on an old cliche; we didn’t create Godzilla with nukes, we were trying to kill his world-ruining ass with them.

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