Original Leads Possibly Returning to Star Wars


Pictured: what should be on the Wikipedia page for “Crazy Eyes”

According to multiple sources, Carrie Fisher has stated that she, Mark Hamill, and Harrison Ford are officially returning to the Star Wars franchise in Episode VII. She reportedly broke the news to TV Guide, possibly while they debated which of them was the least relevant in 2014. In addition to this not being very good news, I’m also going to get myself a glass of water so I can swallow it with this giant grain of salt.

When it comes to Hollywood news, actors might be the least credible source of information, aside from a hobo sleeping outside of Grauman’s Chinese Theater.  God only knows how many times we heard confirmation of an Arrested Development movie by one of the show’s many leads. Then there was Tara Reid’s infamous talk of Big Lebowski 2 in 2011, which she probably mumbled after falling out of a moving car, before lighting the wrong end of a cigarette.

If this does turn out to be true, let’s hope for the sake of the movie that it’s a cameo and nothing more. Nothing against Hamill’s voice work, but the best thing Carrie Fisher has done recently was a cameo on 30 Rock in 2007 where she played a thinly veiled, batsh*t-crazy version of herself. Harrison Ford, meanwhile, was last seen in box office flop Enders Game, and also can’t seem to go out in public without getting high as a kite first.

It should also be noted that Fisher already said something similar to this in March of last year. Either people forgot, didn’t care, or dismissed it as the rantings of a coke-addled mind. All are the correct response. 

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