Play Dishonored, f*ckers

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En Garde, ye lowly cannonfodder!

Any gamer worth his weight in Hot Pockets has read the glowing reviews by now. Now, as a lowly consumer who had to pay to play the damn thing, I’mma throw my belated two cents in: play that sh*t.

Did you play last year’s Deus Ex: Human Revolution, only to find it desperately lacking in plague rats and muttonchops? Are you a fan of the Bioshock series, but wish the gadgets ran on whale oil instead of steam (I call it F*ckPETAPunk)? Do you, like me, prefer an empire that is ruled by an Empress, because it totally reminds you of the Neverending Story, because that movie rules, except when Artax the horse drowns in the Swamp of Sadness and then the giant turtle oh god please fast-forward this part, grandma –

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Where was I going? Oh, yeah. Play Dishonored, f*ckers. It’s got the stealth-action your atrophied body craves.  The gameplay isn’t perfect but, hey, so’s your face. It does have a feature too-little used by most action games: the ability to pick up and throw enemy bodies. The only thing better than a good stealth kill? A gentle, nonlethal takedown, followed by a Longshanks-esque defenestration onto the streets below. HaHA!

Man, that movie messed me up. Anyway, gaming needs new, good IPs. Redbox this bad boy, or plunk down the 60 bucks if ya got the duckets. Worth it.

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