Eddie Murphy Confirmed as Oscar Host. Say, what?

Pictured: Zero oscar winners.

The biggest obstacle my enthusiasm for the Oscars has to overcome is the awards show itself (the second biggest is who actually wins the awards.  Shakespeare in Love? Go f*ck yourself).  Definition of irony: the Academy is considered the gold standard in awarding areas like writing, editing, acting and directing, and they put on an annual show that is a spectacular failure in all those things.  It’s glacially paced, runs for way too f*cking long,  the “banter” generally “sucks” and the presenters all come across as wooden and awkward, no matter how talented they are.  Wait a minute…does George Lucas direct the Oscars?  (rimshot) Anyway, according to EW, Eddie Murphy has been confirmed as the host of the next Oscar ceremony.  TO THE BLOCK QUOTE!

The news was rumored earlier, with several reports indicating that the ceremony’s producer, Brett Ratner, had wanted Murphy to emcee following his work with him in this fall’s Tower Heist. Says Ratner in a release: “Eddie is a comedic genius, one of the greatest and most influential live performers ever. With his love of movies, history of crafting unforgettable characters and his iconic performances — especially on stage — I know he will bring excitement, spontaneity and tremendous heart to the show Don and I want to produce in February.” Ratner, who is co-producing the 84th Academy Awards with Don Mischer, has expressed his desire to incorporate good comedy into the ceremony.

In that case, someone needs to fire Bruce Vilanch.  Just don’t look directly at him.  Christ.  Also, why the f*ck is Brett Ratner a producer for the Oscars?  Is Uwe Boll one of the chairmen? What the hell is going on over there?

That being said, I’m totally on board with this idea. Last year proved that even two of the most talented and charming actors in the biz can still suck at this job. Eddie Murphy is a total wildcard.  He has made some crappy movies of late, but his public personae has become almost nonexistent.  For a guy who first made his mark as a brilliant stand-up comic and eventually became a bit of a recluse, this could be quite interesting.

I mean, I’m not delusional.  It’s gonna be a train wreck.  Don’t get me wrong; it usually is a train wreck, but in a boring, hit-a-penny-and-only-kinda-skid-on-the-tracks kind of way.  With Murphy leading the show, we ‘ll probably see an overturned locomotive, and maybe some dead hobos.  And that’s entertainment.

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