On WWZ: Go F*ck Yourself, Paramount

Paramounts message to its audience.

Come on, now. Fess up, Hollywood. You guys are just f*cking with us, right? I mean, people have waited for five years for Max Brooks’ beloved World War Z to be adapted and this is what you’re giving us? Please tell me this is intentional disinformation.

For those of you not it the know: WWZ is an epic war story that recounts a ten year, planet-wide battle against the living dead. It is told from the perspective of different veterans of the conflict, via an interview format. It is probably one of the most well-written and exhaustively researched novels I’ve ever read. From that we have (via SlashFilm):

The story revolves around United Nations employee Gerry Lane (Pitt), who traverses the world in a race against time to stop the Zombie pandemic that is toppling armies and governments and threatening to decimate humanity itself.

So, to sum up: An epic, slow-burn, decade-long story whose central conflict was flesh-eating corpses that can only be killed via decapitation or being shot in the head. From this we are getting a PG-13 race against time* to fight a contagion, like something Michael Crichton could sh*t out before lunchtime. Oh, and it will be directed by the shaky-cam loving f*ckface behind Quantum of Solace. GOOD IDEA, STUDIO EXECUTIVES! WAR AND ZOMBIES? DAN BROWN THAT SHIT! NATIONAL TREASURE UP IN THIS BITCH! Cocaine and three-day weekends all around! Extra PTO days for the interns!

I honestly can’t think of a single existing PG-13 zombie movie, much less a good one. WWZ was a refreshingly new perspective on the undead genre. I guess in the movie biz, that means going the Twilight route.

 

 

 

*One of the first things established in the book is the breakdown of basic lines of transportation. How this translates into a jet-setting plot makes no g*ddamn sense.

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