Official: Anne Hathaway will be Selina Kyle

Note the exquisite use of empty space that draws the ey - sideboob alert!

Its has officially been reported by Entertainment Weekly that Anne Hathaway will be playing Selena Kyle (aka: Catwoman) in Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight Rises.  That’s the good news.  The bad news is I now have three hours and 52 minutes before I have to consult a physician, because The Dark Knight isn’t the only thing rising if you gnome sayin’!  EW reports:

Warner Bros. announced via press release this morning that director Christopher Nolan has cast Anne Hathaway as Selina Kyle in his third and final Batman opus The Dark Knight Rises. For those who don’t know their Batman lore, Selina Kyle is Catwoman’s alter-ego, although curiously, the press release makes no mention of the word “Catwoman.”

Yeah, they didn’t mention Two-Face directly when they cast Harvey Dent last time either, so take that for what it’s worth.

And in something of a surprise, Nolan also announced today that his Inception actor Tom Hardy will play the villain Bane, a more recent addition to Batman’s storied rogues gallery. He made a big splash in the Batman comics by breaking Bruce Wayne’s back in 1993. Hardy’s participation in The Dark Knight Rises has been previously reported (although never confirmed by the studio until today), but the widespread speculation was that he’d be playing Hugo Strange or Clayface.

I am pretty surprised about Bane. He seems to skew toward the more fantasy-like Batman villains – not what we would expect from Nolan’s real-world Gotham.  It also seems like they would want to avoid reminding anyone of, oh, I don’t know, other, shittier Batman movies.  Please don’t make him into the retard-Hulk like Schumacher did. Actually, given the casting of Hardy, I expect Bain to be more like a criminal mastermind, like he was in Broken Bat (where, as mentioned in the article above, he seriously ruined Batman’s sh*t).

As for Hathaway, well. She is roughly (*carries the one…*) a thousand times more attractive than Maggie Gyllenhaal and Selina Kyle is an equally better character than Rachel Dawes, so heterosexual-ass-pats to all involved in making these decisions.   You know, as long as her becoming Catwoman isn’t some insanely convoluted scheme that ends with her abruptly dying from a f*cking ten-foot drop, then we’ll be okay.* Actually they could just show behind-the-scenes footage of Hathaway taking smoke breaks at the craft service table and I would be good.

She’s real purdy, is the point I’m trying to make here.

*Seriously, did this bother no one else? Also, if you are missing the skin on half your face, I think it would cause a slight speech impediment. (Try it!)

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