Now, I will be the first to admit that Mike Bay movies have never been “good” in the traditional cinematic sense. In fact, they tend to be big, loud, noisy and somewhat incoherent. But here’s the thing: to millions of people, they are plenty entertaining – enough so to see in theaters. And – here is my main point – those people know exactly what they are getting when they line up at the box office. With every new Bay flick, you know exactly what to expect; you are either on-board or you are not. That is why I don’t understand the throngs of Bay-haters out there. It just seems like part of some kind of retarded fad to hate on certain celebs. Maybe it’s because his movies are junk and successful at the same time? I really don’t know.
“Oh, it’s directed by Michael Bay? That guy f*cking sucks. It’s just gonna be, like, explosions and military crap, and slow motion and titties and…”
Yeah. Yeah, we know. That’s why we’re getting tickets. It’s not like the guy started out making cinematic masterpieces and slowly slid into this stuff. I can understand people ragging on M. Night Shayamalamalam. He made some really good movies and then, well, whew. For God’s sake, Bay’s first movie was Bad Boys. Then The Rock. Then Armageddon. The guy’s been making the same cinematic junk food for 15 years. We know it’s bad for us. But it’s entertaining, which is ultimately all I demand from a movie.
I make fun of his movies, because they certainly aren’t meant to be taken seriously. But I just can’t abide by the haters. People who waste their time hating on Michael Bay are like old women standing outside of a strip club, handing pamphlets out to the patrons. “There are women of ill-repute in there, young man!” they’ll say. Yeah, I know. That’s why I have a fistful of ones and have my thinnest pair of sweatpants on. It’s why I’m here.
PS, here are some directors who make Bay look like Hitchcock.
- Paul W.S. Anderson
- Stephen Sommers
- Seltzer and Friedberg
- Uwe Boll
- Adam Shankman
- Brett Ratner
- Bonus: Steven Spielberg on the set of Indy 4. WTF, man?
Check any of those IMDB links and tell me I’m wrong.
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