Trailer Roundup

The Power of Flight: it's all in the grimace.

There have been quite a few trailers to hit this week, so I’m gonna throw ’em on here for the convenience of all 3 of my loyal readers (including the WordPress admins). Anyway, after the jump are the trailers and my first impressions.  I’ve also put some on here that aren’t exactly new, but are noteworthy anyway. I’m gonna try to do this kind of thing on a regular basis.  First up, the much anticipated Green Lantern trailer:

The Green Lantern

Aaaaand…eh.  I dunno.  I’m not familiar with the source material (I’m sure fans have already dissected this trailer like a prostitute in my basement frog in science class), but this looks like it might coast on Reynold’s* charm.  I prefer my super hero movies to be a little more rooted in reality and, once Reynolds meets up with that alien dude, this looks like a Lucas-esque green screen festival.  For f*cks sake, his costume is CGI.  Unless spandex is becoming a precious material, or Reynolds secretly doesn’t have rockin’ abs (sigh…), there is no reason for this.

Cowboys and Aliens

Alright, things are picking up here. Granted, the title sounds as dumb as the movie I made fun of two posts ago; the difference here is that we are in the hands of some genuine talent. Jon Favreau rocks (the mediocre Iron Man 2 notwithstanding; I blame that on Marvel Studio meddling), and I could watch Daniel Craig f*ck people up all day.  Also, the cowboy elements have a genuinely gritty feel, and the aliens are kept mysterious.  Nice touch.  If this was a Mike Bay joint, one of them would be break-dancing before the trailer was over.  Also, Olivia Wilde.  Olivia very Wilde. (bah dum psh!)

Cars 2

While I think Pixar is incapable of making a bad movie, the first Cars is easily one of my least favorite; this one doesn’t look to sway that.  I also think it works a lot better as a standalone movie; really, Disney just wanted to sell more “Lightning McQueen” and “Tow Mater” sh*t.  I swear to god, my nephew has a Cars brand everything.  This might go without saying, but where the f*ck is my Incredibles sequel?  Of all the hair-brained, unwanted follow-ups in the works, how do you not make a sequel to the Pixar Superhero movie?  Ironically, the brains behind the first, Brad Bird, is out filming his live action debut: the 4th Mission Impossible.  Motherf*cker.

Battle Los Angeles

This looks sort of like the good version of Skyline.  I don’t know too much about the actual plot, except that aliens wage war against Aaron Eckhart’s chin and Michelle Rodriguez’s collection of wife-beaters.   Could go either way, really.

Little Fockers

I’ll be honest, I didn’t watch this trailer.  For that matter, I won’t watch this movie, not even in 10 years if they are playing it on Comedy Central and it’s the coldest day of the year and there is nothing else on.  The very idea behind this pisses me off.  Meet the Parents was a decently humorous, if forgettable, movie from a decade ago.  So, of course, Hollywood has somehow milked two sequels out of the most over-used (and stupidly lowbrow) joke from that film.  Speaking of unwanted sequels, who the f*ck asked for this?  I bet I wouldn’t be able to find anyone that did, yet this movie will almost certainly make bank.  Ugh.  I’m gonna go lie down.

*Personal note, Ryan Reynolds is on my “Would Totally Go Gay for that Dude” list.  All guys have a list like that, right? Guys? Gay List? Guys?

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