Hollywood Now a Walken-esque Parody of Itself

"There's my agent. Punch his face in."

So, I was perusing Hugh Jackman’s IMBD page (uh, for completely heterosexual reasons, of course) and I saw that one of his upcoming movies is called “Real Steel”.  Aside from sounding like a poorly titled gay porn, the name sounded vaguely familiar to me. Then I checked it’s page and remembered “Oh, yeah, this is the movie about Jackman as a Robot Boxer trainer.”

Yeah, nothing in that sentence was mistyped.  I mean, are these people kidding?  Between between movies based on comic-books, novels, board games, theme park rides, TV Shows, and all of the sequels, remakes, and “reboots” (reeeaaaly getting tired of that buzzword), I usually welcome original ideas; but, really?  I don’t know if that image is real (I pulled it from Google image search; what is this, a legit operation?), but if it is, it looks like it might take itself halfway serious.  No way in hell that is going to work.  But wait, it’s from the director of, uh, “Night at the Museum”, and “The Pink Pa- *weeps uncontrollably into empty Taco Bell wrapper*

*pulls it together*  Anyway, with crap like this, it’s becoming harder and harder to become an enthusiastic movie nerd.  I’m glad legit filmmakers like Chris Nolan and Darren Aronofski are still getting projects, but even they seem to be falling into the trap of Franchise Directors; Aronofski was just given Wolverine 2, and Nolan has Bats 3* and is working with Zack Snyder on Superman.  Also, there are many writer/directors who keep getting work, despite having never delivered a good movie.  Biggest offender: Stephen Sommers; not really a terrible director, but take his g*ddamn typewriter away.  I’ve heard better dialog from an 8-year-old playing with action figures.

At this point, I honestly have a hard time imagining Hollywood as being run by responsible adults.  “Coked-out monkeys smoking cigars and throwing stacks of money at each other” is an image that readily comes to mind.  The sad fact is, they are adults, and they all have more f*cking money than I could possibly comprehend.  I would actually be more bitter, but under all this nonsense, there do seem to be good movies that still come out.  But, it’s starting to feel like panning for gold in a river of sh*t.

*No way in hell is this as good as The Dark Knight.  Sorry, but it’s the truth.  Tamper expectations accordingly.  I’m dreading a Spider-Man 3-style flame-out.

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